hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
