i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
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