It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Randomize
