oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
