The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
