PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
