What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
