You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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