Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
