Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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