Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
