Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
