Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
