so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
