Joe is yelling at the trees again.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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