he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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