I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize