one two three fourrrrnication!
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Every concussion has its silver lining
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
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