I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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