the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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