I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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