She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize