You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Alive.
So much puke
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
