I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
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