she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
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