hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
So gin and wine won't be happening again
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
