Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
