I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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