I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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