was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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