You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Randomize
