I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
