Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
