I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
