Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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