What did we do last night that was yellow?
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
