I just threw up on my dentist
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
