Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Soap is not a condiment
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
