The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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