i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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