I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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