i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
