it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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