Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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