Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
and she was petting her beer can
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
