dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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