Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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