before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
