You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
