i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
