I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
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