I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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