oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
