i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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