Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
