Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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