Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
