MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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