So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
