I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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