I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I just got carded by a ten year old.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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