Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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